We all know the morning cup o’ joe can knock a few things loose up in there. Add a cigarette, and no one better get in your way as you do the clinched-butt shuffle to take care of business! That’s because caffeine and nicotine both contain stimulants that accelerate poop movement through the system. These vices have nothing to do with beer-related diarrhea, however, they can definitely make a bad situation worse!
Our digestive tracts are pretty amazing. They can take all the crap we shove into our mouths, get as much nutritional value from it that they can, then plop out the rest. One of the key factors in keeping this system running smoothly is water. That’s where alcohol comes in and starts messing things up.
As alcohol is introduced to the intestines, they quit absorbing water as well as they should. Therefore, we have an excess of water in our digestive tract that has nowhere to go but out. Also, alcohol being a depressant, the muscles that keep the food digesting correctly slow way down, leaving us with a lot of recognizable stuff the next morning.
So, you take a bunch of water and poorly digested food, mix them together in a thirty foot tube that usually takes hours to process, and presto, major diarrhea!
Next time you wake up hungover and stumble to the coffee maker, then step outside for that cig fix, try to remember what you ate the night before. If you can’t, you’ll find out soon enough.
Be careful farting!